Oh, look! A sexy Facebook! This is going to be awesome!
Feminism, feminism, more feminism. What does that have to do with sex? Are all feminists kinky? Are all kinky people feminists? Does my feminism make me a dominate? What? That’s totally the right spelling <dictionary linky>
Oh, look! A butt diamond. That’s so cute. What do you have to pierce to wear one of those? Are you telling me you put that inside your ass? Hell, no! I’m not gay.
<click> Now there’s something I can support: blowjobs. I don’t mind a fine, kinky blowjob on Sunday nights after tennis myself. Um. Is that penis going all the way down? That just isn’t right. You’re obviously using Industrial Light and Magic to make your videos. I can spot special effects from a mile away, and obviously nobody can fit 10 inches all the way down their throat. It’s anatomically impossible, and I’m checking Snopes for evidence as soon as I’m done here.
Just help me out for a second because I’m trying to figure out what you all have in common that makes you kinky. Is having blue hair kinky? Because I could totally get behind that. Does not knowing the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ make you kinky? I guess I lose a few kink points for having a Grammarly subscription and knowing how to use it, huh? I do sometimes misspell ‘onomatopoeia’, though. Can I get cred for that?
The only thing I can find that you people have in common is that you all snort coffee through your noses, so I’m feeling a little confused. I always thought you wore leather and studs, but apparently you prefer wearing clothes made of rope. Oh, and amazing shoes! I’ve never seen so many awesome stilettos in one place before. I’m telling my Aunty Barbara to come here instead of Vogue for inspiration in the future.
Look! Another video. <click> A Hitachi! My Uncle Frank bought me one of those for Christmas. Don’t put that there, sweetheart. That’s for giving back massages. Why do you turn everything into a sex toy? Wait… that actually looks kind of hot. I think I’ve just found my kink. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be in my bedroom with my magic w… I mean at the supermarket shopping for groceries.