My first dominant, E, gave me the best of times. My second, S, gave me the worst of times: Two opposite personalities who brought out two completely different subs in me. E’s sub was willing to become more defiled than she ever thought she’d allow, and S’ strangled off her submission in an effort to quash her burgeoning dread.
E encouraged me to say “no” freely. S resented every refusal.
As a sub, you learn quickly when your dominant resents your limits, and that obliterates your trust in under a week. E was different: I always felt free to tell him “no” because he wanted me to feel safe. You cannot submit in a hostile ecosystem.
E wanted power exchange to be something we did together. S just wanted me to do things for him.
E was in our dynamic because he wanted to love all my happiness into being. S was in it because he wanted me to make him happy. He didn’t understand that I needed my glass refilled before I could drink from it again. He polished off its contents and then expected me to drink from the empty glass. In his mind, subs gave and doms took. E *over*-filled my glass because his strategy was to be generous—to love me, to listen to me, to walk alongside me. Selfishness will suck the inspiration out of a sub before she even gets her first collar. It clears you of the emotional resources you need to submit.
E Knew Power Required Responsibility
A dominant who will catch you when you fall can ask you to fall a thousand times and hear “how soon” every time. S wasn’t willing to catch me. He was only willing to push me off the edge to satisfy his kinky fantasies. The fifth time my metaphorical spine broke, I stopped standing on the cliff.
E was a leader. S was an authoritarian.
Authoritarianism gets people to do what you want. Leadership makes people *want* to what you want. E paid attention to every gesture and word I spoke to learn which ingredients my submission was made of. He knew I was a sexual sub, so he found just the right way to draw that out. He knew I would try to please him of my own volition, so he didn’t demand things of me. He played his desires lightly and then he stood back. He never had to wait long.
I followed him because he was taking me to a place that fascinated me. S couldn’t tell you where I wanted power exchange to lead if you took a violet wand to his cock.
To E, dominance was an emotional process. To S, it was a cerebral one.
S expected submission of me because he called himself a dominant, and not because he knew how to dominate me. To him, power exchange meant domineering his s-type until she gave in. He was ever absent and uncompromising about what I should do and be. Lasting submission is only inspired by a dominant who’s emotionally involved. Love eats control for breakfast.