No, You’re Not Made of 100% Pure Domly Beef

Before Alfred Kinsey published his first report, you were either straight or gay. Sexual orientation was binary, with no shades of grey in-between. The Kinsey Report proved that being 100% gay or straight was rare; that most people were bi, hetero or homoflexible. We haven’t carried that lesson into kink yet, though. If you’re into D/s, you’re required to be entirely dominant or submissive. Kink is binary, and if you don’t fall on the far left or right of the slash, you should try harder, stop bottoming from the top, or admit you’re an evil vanilla sent to earth to destroy our holy kink commandments.


All One Twue Way lectures rant about the sinfully unsubmissive sub and the not-so-domly fraud because perpetuating this view is excellent for the ego. We brag that we’re the domliest of doms. Yes, we are made of 100% pure alpha beef. We submit every day for 20 miles, barefoot in the snow. We are the only legitimate kinksters in society.

But I think there’s as much binary in D/s as there is in sexual orientation. Some people are super subs who deserve their own Avengers movie. Some people are domly enough to wield Thor’s Hammer using their minds alone, but mostly, we all sit somewhere in between. That’s not to say we’re all switches, only that we have (gasp) personalities. This is hardly a revolutionary idea, but I feel it needs saying.

Maybe, unlike Kinsey’s six-point scale, there are as many kinds of subs as there are subs. There are as many grades and types of dominants as there are dominants, too. I’m sorry if you think you’re superior, but… actually, I’m not sorry at all because being a special snowflake is awesome.

Sex is supposed to be a pastime, not a cult. It’s meant to be an expression of our truest selves, so the more acrobatics we do to fit into someone else’s expectations, the worse it becomes. I mean you can twist and contort yourself to fit some unwritten textbook that lives in other people’s imaginations, but I’d rather be a snowflake. I recommend it because intimacy is hotter than a good belt whipping, and you only achieve it by being you.

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