Character traits like respectfulness and trust are universally appreciated among subs.
Not a person on Planet Fet could argue that point.
The same goes for putting your sub’s wellbeing ahead of your sexual fantasies. Selflessness and ethics are worthy of subly respect in anyone’s book…
… except someone recently called me a Twuist for repeating all those lines up there. I hate The One Twue Way as much as anybody, but if my accuser is right, I’ll have to change my stance on that because I believe submission is earned with respect. Let me say that with an adequate level of enthusiasm: Dominants who aren’t worthy of their subs’ trust are not dominants at all.
There. I put my left foot in it, so now all I have to do is put the right foot in it as well. I even have an extra bag of clichés to do it properly.
Trustworthiness and acceptance are too universally important to be called “twuism.” They should exist in any relationship, let alone in power exchange. They’re even more critical in a dominant because D/s comes from a place of vulnerability. Sexual utopia is only as far away as your next honest moment. I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours, and these secrets we’re exposing will morph into enough searing heat to grill a steak on. That’s power exchange, and I won’t even add a qualifier because I really believe this is true of every kinky love story.
Universality and Twuism are not synonyms. They’re antonyms. Where Twuism is based in a lack of acceptance, universality is based on our shared values.
Being safe as a bottom, let alone a sub, requires a certain degree of selflessness from a dominant. I won’t get involved with a dom who puts his lust above my safety. That just leaves you with a string of doctor’s visits and a burgeoning sense of fear. No sub deserves to be put through something like that.
D/s is risky for subs. It touches every aspect of our lives, from work and family to our health. We need to know we’re be safe, and that requires a certain kind of dominant: one who’s too selfless to exploit us and too wise to send our lives barrelling into space like Ripley’s alien.
You’d require your top to know how to clean your needles and cut you from a suspension safely in an emergency. Requiring ethics of your dominant is no different. When the desire to know we’re safe is kicked aside as “twuism”, BDSM becomes dangerous and more than a little silly.