Heterosexuals of the Dinosaur Apocalypse

If you go solely by Fetlife’s population, homosexuality and heterosexuality got wiped out in the cyber-Cretaceous period along with triceratops and his cuddly friend, tyrannosaurus rex. Poly bisexuals are often slapped with the unicorn label around there, but this just isn’t the most popular ecosystem for people who only swing one way.

I live in the gay capital of Africa, which is buzzing with almost as many homosexual sapiens as heterosexual ones. Things are not quite as diverse in our kink community, though, and heterosexuality went *pouf* along with missionary sex and therapods.


I’m sure much of it has to do with kinksters’ experimental natures, so I sometimes wonder if my heterosexuality is the result of a personal failing. I know it’s ridiculous, so I’ll acknowledge your eye roll pre-emptively, but I’m a ridiculous creature, so this is all you’re going to get from me. I’m not claiming that my straightness has brought me any oppression. I’m not that idiotic. I am saying that I wonder if my heterosexuality is the product of my heteronormative roots. In my home, bisexuality wasn’t denigrated, but ignored. You were either straight or invisible. How much did that affect my willingness to experiment? I can’t say because my subconscious is too busy subbing for my id to tell me what it’s thinking.

I acknowledge your second eye roll, too, and that was an epic face palm there in the back row. Thank you.

I’m not straight for lack of good stock. It’s just that I don’t like pussy. I tell myself I love cocks too much to live without them, but is that the whole truth? I also tell myself that all my navel-gazing exposes me to enough vulvae, so I truly don’t need to see any more. Bewbs are pretty, so I bet I could have a fine time with yours, but keep that vagina two bricks away from my face or I will cut you.

Fetlife is less a kink site than a sex positive one. We’re not there for a single preference, but for our diversity and openness towards all consensual play. We’re more a social movement than a community, and experimentation is our ethos.

In many ways, I don’t live up to that ethos.

Then again, sex positivity doesn’t always arrive in the form of a booming “yes!” It’s also the freedom to say “nope.”

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