How to be a Good Sub

  • Use submissive words:

“Fuck you and that toy you rode in on, Sir. The day I let you put that thing in my ass will be the day I wear Bridgette Jones panties Sir. <genuflect>

  • Explain your needs clearly and honesty:

“My submission is only activated by chocolaty things, so this lapse in subliness is truly not my fault. If I don’t get a truffle in my mouth right this instant, I’ll spank rainbows into your ass. Sir.”

  • Choose safe words that are meaningful to you personally. If you have a bad memory, use a movie line instead:

“You look like the kind of boy <genuflect> who could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Sir.


  • Be willing to work through disagreements:

“Fuck that. You are not coming anywhere near me with that hook. What do I look like? A Christmas tree decoration? No I am not. (are too) Am not! (are too) Fuck you. I am not a decoration BLOODY HELL what do you know about it? You’re just a dude who sucks golf balls out of garden hoses sir (air quotes WITHOUT A CAPITAL LETTER close air quotes).”

  • Share life lessons with your dominant:

“The most important lesson I learned today is that sirs who sleep with their eyes shut are at risk of being hung on Christmas trees by their own anal hooks. <genuflect>

  • Respect your dominant at all times

“I will, however, respect you enough to use lube…”

  • Understand your dominant’s background:

… and write “golf ball slut” on your forehead in a lipstick colour that matches the wallpaper.

  • Spite will get you nowhere:

But running like hell definitely will.

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