Conversations with That BDSM Quiz

Are you human? What is 5 + 7?

Mighty easier than Captcha. The appropriate response is to celebrate the triumph by lifting our eyes to the stars.

100% Degradation Receiver

Not that  kind of degradation receiver. It’s important to specify about things like this. There are a fuck ton of different kinds of degradation and mine is the cool, sexy type. But why did you put this above submissive in the list? I’m obviously more of a submissive than a ‘degradation receiver’. Actually, why did you put this on the list at all? That’s just plain degrading.

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100% Submissive

That is the correct answer. I am perfect. This is the best quiz ever. If we were both real people we’d prolly bond over this.

 Experimentalist

What is that, even? Some sort of hedonist? Nope, nope, wrong again. I am not a hedonist, I am a sub, and don’t fuck with my complete and utter lack of confusion about my sexuality. Lemme just check the definitions: “An open mind and an insatiable curiosity.” Oh I see. That means I’m even more subly than I was a question ago. That is the correct answer. Let’s bond.

83% Masochist

Yeah, well, fuck you! I am no such thing. Obviously. Can we get this done so that I can go read my homiletics textbook?

80% Bondage Receiver

See, this is where context comes into this stuff. You didn’t ask what *kind*  of bondage receiver. You didn’t ask about the difference between sensual dom bondage and hardcore dom bondage. Asshat.

66% Girl/Boy

That is utter crap. This is clearly a dream-type subconscious fantasy, not a real life-type kink. This quiz is the worst ever.

63% Non-monogamist

I suppose I can accept that label if we’re living one day at a time. I’m not saying I’ll accept it easily, but I’ll accept it for now. Just so that we’re clear, when I’m no longer single, that will no longer apply.

63% Slave

Did you even read my profile? It’s impolite to talk to people without first reading their profile. Mine says, “I draw a big black line between submission and subservience. Submission draws out sentience; subservience is anaesthetising to me, if it isn’t drawing out bile.” Your quiz is inaccurate. Every day is a perfect day for change.

54% Voyeur

Are we really going to go there? Because if we are, that just makes me feel uncomfortable. I have never even once watched anyone having sex. Except that one time. But that was different.

50% Primal (Prey)

That’s the correct answer, but the incorrect percentage. Much higher. Did I or did I not tell you about H? Were you listening to Sandi Toksvig while you were taking my answers? At what volume?

46% Exhibitionist

You confused voyeurism with exhibitionism. You switched the numbers around. It’s meant to say 54% exhibitionist and 46% voyeur. How can an automated quiz manage to fuck up something to do with adding numbers together? I could type that HTML better than you in my sleep. In Notepad.

35% Brat

Untrue. What exact questions referred to brattishness? Exactly! None. As you can tell just through this exchange we’re having right now, there is not even a dandelion seed sized brat blowing around inside me. Are you talking back to me? That’s a fair point, but I behave this way only when I’m single.

28% Pervert

That’s not very nice at all. I can’t stand pompous, arrogant self-importance. In others. What sort of quiz hurls insults around? Fuck you.

17% Primal (Predator)

What?

<stunned silence> Oh fergodssakes. I don’t. Even. Know. You are clearly screaming to be let out of your psychic darkness. Saying ‘100% sub and 17% primal predator’ is redundant. Maybe we can have a productive conversation when you’re sober.

16% Vanilla

Saying ‘100% sub’ and ‘16% vanilla’ is redundant. I thought we’d been through this. I’m definitely deleting this one from the list I post on Fetlife.

0% Switch

Thank you for burnishing my subly cred. Let’s be friends.

 

 

 

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