The Kink Community is Freud on Crack

From the very beginning, I wanted to twist sex into a hundred different shapes. I started with exhibitionism and public sex. Then I moved onto subtler, more intoxicating things. I was curious about my body too, of course. I’ve found out that pain and sex are synonymous for me. I’ve discovered that I’m not into rope, but I’m besotted with belts. My favourite sex toy of all, though, is a man who knows how to use me.


Before I found D/s, I felt ashamed of my body and kinks. Sex positivity? What’s that? A kind of marsupial? BDSM felt like home to me, but finding the scene was like getting all the keys to the locked doors inside it. It gave me the moxie to try everything I was curious about, to hell with my fear. These explorations put me in touch with one of the most intrinsic parts of myself, but they’ve also showed me there’s more to this house. There’s a garden and an entire city to explore.

You are the city.

Play parties invited me into others’ interpretations of kink. They taught me that everyone was a little weird about sex, but they were happy to show off their oddities in public. I’ve seen subs and dominants get lost in frenzy, and I’ve watched people grow into poly. I’ve seen some truly weird versions of sub space, but more importantly, I’ve seen that I’m not the only person who finds kink intolerably delicious. I’ve seen ethics broken and ethics learned. All of it has been its own therapy. It’s made me relish my sexuality.

Today, I can put all my kinks on a fluorescent sign without fearing judgement because if there’s one thing the scene is founded on, it’s acceptance. Some people fuck that up, but YKINMK is spread widely enough to infect me.

Without the community, I’d still be fudging my consent and taking absurd risks with my body like I was three years ago, but you’ve given me far more than that.  I’ve started to realise that I’ve become more sex-positive than my own damned shrink. I’m profoundly grateful for that. You’ve taught me to wear my sexuality on the outside because I’m only as unusual as you are. I remember having to close my eyes before posting my first writing about sex. I remember being terrified that I might meet someone I knew at my first event. I remember being mortified a year later when I *did* meet someone I knew at a party. All those days are a thousand yesterdays away, and all I had to do to get here is get to know some truly outstanding people.

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