You Won’t Meet Him at a Play Party

You won’t meet him at a play party. You won’t meet him through friends. The first you’ll hear of him is when he leaves his question mark avatar in your inbox from the fringes of a community that forgot it banned him years ago. His profile will be a few weeks old, but he’ll know all the lingo and wax lyrical about his staunch views on consent. Then he’ll tell you he only takes on no-limits slaves. Funny, that.

He’ll have a sock puppet sub who spends most of her time cluttering up the personals in search of a new twenty-something for his harem. She’ll have a habit of abusing ellipses, just like him, and misspell all the same words.

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He’ll manage to fit your entire fetish list into a week’s worth of conversation. Clearly you were just meant to be. He won’t bring his sock puppet sub to your first meeting because she’s being punished for leaving the house without his permission.  He’ll tell you you’re a truer slave than her, so you’ll do your damnedest to prove him right. You don’t need safe words, you’ll say. You’re into CNC and PRICK and there’s nothing you wouldn’t give up for a 24/7 arrangement.

He’ll insist on sex that very night. Condoms will not be optional. You’ll call him ‘Sir’, wear accept his collar, and develop resentments about the BDSM community after listening to his diatribes.

The following week, he’ll tell you he released his slave for repeatedly topping from the bottom. You’ll empathise and put extra work into your subservience.

He’ll live miles away from your home town, so you’ll quit your job before you move. He’ll say your relationship with your family is toxic, and you’re a good slave, so you’ll agree. He’ll brand his name on your left breast and set you loose in the personals in search of a second sub. When you aren’t calling him to ask for permission to wash your hands, you’ll be berating yourself because he pushes you farther than you can tolerate.

One night, he’ll crack your cheek bone and tell you you’re not as submissive as he thought you were. You’ll apologise profusely and then he will rape you. You won’t use the word, “rape”, of course, because you’re trying to be The Perfect Slave. You’ll call your trauma “disobedience” and tell his next sub he’s the best thing that ever happened to you.

She’ll be more obedient than you are—almost as obedient as you were when you first met, so you’ll lie to cover up your doctor’s visits to treat your flourishing depression. Good slaves don’t respond that way, after all, and it’s about damned time you stopped behaving like a fraud.

He’ll stop playing with you and replace those hours with the silent treatment, punishment, and abuse. He’ll invite his friends over to use you and put the clips on YouPorn. You will feel utterly hollow, but she won’t, so it must be you.

He will hold onto you long enough to shatter you entirely. Then he will cast you aside like so much uselessness. It will be the only worthwhile thing he ever does for you.

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