The Morning After is one of my favourite things: I have cum dripping out of me, and I can still feel his tongue in my mouth. The backwash of an epic night follows me the whole day. It makes me feel as though I’ve swallowed a rainbow. I can still smell him. I can’t quite identify the scent, but I know it comes from him.
I love marks for exactly the same reason: they’re the shadow of the night before, and every time I feel a twinge of pain, I’m reminded of him. There’s no other buzz like it. On days when the sky looks full of smoke because I’ve barely had any sleep and hormones are washing through my system like heroin, I’m in my element.
I rarely post my marks on Fetlife. I sometimes feel they’re too intimate for that. For me, feeling is more important than showing, but if I had an exhibitionist for a dominant, my album would probably be full of bruises. For now, they’re secrets I usually shove in a file no eyes but mine ever see.
I’ve had my proud moments when I’ve posted them. I’m often arrogant about my dwindling pain threshold, but I’m wary of thinking that marks are the only evidence that a scene went well. I’m suspicious of my temptation to be The Most Hardcore Masochist On Planet Fetlife. It’s not healthy for me, just as my tendency to take everything a top has to dish out is not healthy for me.
We all have our weaknesses. One of my biggest flaws as a sub is my conceit over my own endurance. Saying “red” is far more important than being able to put up the most battered photos you’ve seen all morning. That is my issue, my phase. Not all masochists go through it. Respecting your reason for displaying your marks does not require me to respect mine.
Marks are the letter he wrote last night when he was overcome. They aren’t my letter to you.