Stop Trying to Be a Good Dominant

Dominance is not a magic trick or a game that’s won in one easy step. You can’t put it on like a mask. It’s inherent in your character, but it has nothing to do with how well you can browbeat us.

Once someone offers up their submission, will you use it to sate your sexual desires and not a damned thing else, or will you put your sub’s wellbeing ahead of your infinite list of fantasies? It’s tempting to exploit two open hands and a head full of nothing. As subs, we know the risks of power exchange, and we’re not about to take them for a dominant who’s just looking for their next big orgasm.


It’s easy to criticise and domineer. Selflessness and ethics require *real* personal power. Demonstrate that you care and are worthy of respect, and your submissive will hand over their entire world, with every grain of sand and revolving satellite.

I’ve given away submission *because* it was deserved and I’ve given it away before it was earned. The second dynamic lost its power and devolved into sadomasochism. The first dominant earned my submission by being a man I respected. He only needed to breathe to inspire me to give him every planet in the sky. That’s the kind of submission that compels me because it seeps all the way through to the bone.

As a top, you need skills, but power exchange is different. You either deserve that level of respect or you don’t.

Dale Carnegie said, “I’m very fond of strawberries and cream, but I’ve found for some strange reasons, fish prefer worms, so when I went fishing, […] I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream.” I’m sure my bait is different from the sub at the next profile’s, but my first dom compelled submission through acceptance. I found myself telling him secrets I’d never shared with another person. The experience was intoxicating, and I wanted to give back to him in a million different ways.

I don’t need to be pushed to submit any more than water needs to be motivated to become wet. I will open up my hands to a man who shows he has the personal power to manage it and whom I love. I don’t love personas, but people. I will feel plastic posturing the instant it hits the air around you.

You can’t become dominant, but you can become worthy of submission.

Stop trying to become a good dominant. Become a good person instead.

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