Everything You Know About the Woman in Men’s Erotica

 

Inspired by Everything You Know About Me

I’m basically a virgin and only became whorish when I met you: My Venerable Pussy Whisperer and purveyor of my sexual revolution. <genuflect>

My cunt lubricates on command.

I am amazed at Your Holy Penis because I’ve forgotten all 132 of the penises I saw before I met you. So forgetful. LOL.

My entire vocabulary is made up of nine words:

-1) Fuck

-2) Oh

-3) God

-4) Oh

-5) God

-6) I’m

-7) Cumming

-8) Ohgodohgodoh

-9) God

I’m super into numbers. 4, 3, 2, 1, Oh god oh god I’m cumming.

When I see an ellipsis, I… Oh god oh god oh god.

Yeah. I guess I cum a lot. Sorry.

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I have fire where my liver and intestines are meant to go. I can still totally do anal, though, so no worries.

My orgasm exists only to help your cock discover its inner magical fuck wand.

I know that cum is an important part of a healthy diet. It’s why I’m so skinny and never developed the ability to grow pubic hair.

I’m into vanilla sex, as long as you repeatedly remind me of how kinky and brutal you are.

Half of my brain is a fully functioning thesaurus. I know seven synonyms for “lust” and 890 for “meat rod.”

My eyes are hungry just like Patrick Swayze said.

I’m bisexual, but am only ever interested in fucking women in front of My Man.

My vagina is tight enough to carry a piece of spaghetti across a room without dropping it, yet cavernous enough to manage two penises and a fist simultaneously.

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