My Kink Devolution in a Million Easy Steps

This weekend I took a trip through my feed all the way from when I typed my very first words on Fetlife. That was about 18 months ago. My kink journey has been more like an acid trip than a long and winding road and yet I’m not sure I’ve evolved at all. It seems I might have devolved because when I joined, I immediately got to work teaching all of you how you needed to do kink. These days I don’t know enough to do that. Clearly all the knowledge I had leaked out of my left ear in my sleep.

I knew I was a sub right away, but today, I’m not at all sure. I’m not going to change my choice from the drop-down menu because… well… I don’t give a fuck, but I’m definitely not only a sub. I’ve lost all the certainty I had about my sexuality when I was new to kink. See? Devolved. I can’t say if I’m a brattish sub or a subbish brat, and I definitely have a primal side. I don’t have a top in me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a sadist jumped out of me one day during a weak moment.


Fetlife is supposed to teach us things. It’s not supposed to make us more ignorant, and yet that’s precisely what it’s done. 18 months back, I knew which kinks were just plain wrong. Now I’m not sure about that either.

Every time I express my (totally non-judgemental) judgement about the shit you get up to, I find out I’m wrong, so again, Fetlife and the kink community have made me more stupid than I was before. Just about every time I’ve judged Fetlife from this mountaintop I was wrong. These days there are a thousand more kinks in my brain that I didn’t know existed before and I know not to judge any of them.

I was a proud social justice warrior when I arrived at Fetlife. I was generous enough to tell you all how to handle consent properly. Now I’ve scrapped the SJW label and I know far less about social justice issues and consent than most of you do.

Way back when I came here, I was horrific at keeping myself safe in my kink relationships. I kept fucking up and getting badly hurt. These days I do a lot better with that. Isn’t it odd how the less you know, the safer you get and the more uncertain you become about your label, the truer you can be to yourself?

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