Care Instructions for your Brat

The Brat™ is a colourful and soothing (ahem) item made from the petals of the Naughty-as-Fuck™ flower. It grows more and more infuriating – I mean rewarding—with time. BDSM Inc. has received a few complaints about this product line. We really can’t think why, seriously, but these care instructions will hopefully cut back on the returns we keep finding at our warehouse door. We don’t want them back for fucksakes.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this particular model, of course. The Brat™ is an advanced product, so if you’re having trouble with yours, you should have bought yourself a Twue Sub instead, now shouldn’t you? But we at BDSM Inc. have faith in your ability to serve your brat.

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The Brat almost always does better with bedazzled floggers, and they see safe words as inferior to the alternatives: throwing water balloons at you, for instance. We fucking put that right on the box, so seriously, you shouldn’t be whining.

Nothing wears a brat down more than obedience, so your product will require a minimum of one punishment a day. This, too, should involve bedazzled items, the only form of punishment brats are not immune to. According to an Oxford University study, brats do not lose their brattishness with repeated punishment, but they seriously love spankings and are more prone to making you a cup of coffee afterwards.

When detached from rigging, The Brat™ should be placed in a corner on the opposite side of the house because this is when she is most likely to throw water balloons at her sub – uh – we mean domme.

After it gets bored with its balloons, treat it with BDSM Inc.’s special care product, Plenty of Chocolate™. This should make The Brat forget that what it really wants is a new pair of hawt stilettoes. If this distraction fails, we suggest you get her the damned stilettos because if you don’t, you’ll likely find one of your eyebrows shaved off by morning. Please be aware that BDSM Inc. will not accept legal responsibility for this malfunction in accordance with the Buyer Beware clause on your brat’s box.

Despite its horrible reputation for clipping its dommes’ mouths shut with their nipple clamps during naps, The Brat™ has many positive properties that make it popular among dommes too ignorant to read the fine print before purchase. They make the house seriously fun, will joyfully paint your pets’ claws pink, and will generously hide hair removal cream in your shampoo.

Store The Brat™ in a glitter-free room when not in use. Despite its preference for storage in the domly bed, this habit could have unexpected results which may or may not include waking up completely covered in Incredible Hulk makeup.

Studies show that those who have used The Brat™ for more than a month feel happier and more pissed off. Within a year of usage, they feel energised and bloody infuriated, which is why BDSM Inc. is giving away the last of our brat stock free of charge.

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