I discovered submission away from Fetlife, so I felt free to be precisely who I was without the sense of duty the site is so heavy with. The world of kink opened up in front of me like an endless field, and I got to run as far and fast as I wanted. There were no True Subs there, no terms like ‘topping from the bottom’, and no dominants with piles of expectations and entitlements that rose higher than the moon. There was only me, my dominant, and our happiness.
Without that freedom, I would never have found out that sexual altruism was above me. I’d have thought I owed you self-sacrifice purely because I’m a sub. I’d be too busy bending under the will of peer pressure to explore D/s for pleasure’s sake.
I don’t get much out of sacrificing for duty’s sake so it’s just as well I got to cut and shape my submission like a bespoke suit. There was no Kool-Aid in my first D/s relationship. I got to wonder around this planet called power exchange and rummage in *every* corner, not just the corners that some Twue Dominant I’d never met said I could.
My first dominant was secure enough to give me that much freedom, and he had a damned good reason to: dominance that doesn’t restrict a sub tends to breed precisely the sub it wants. It makes us think we’re chasing our own pleasure, and therein lies the beauty of skilled dominants. They sculpt you and make you think you did the sculpting.
The D-types with the stiffest sense of entitlement do themselves a huge disservice. Fragile egos can’t withstand a person who submits for the joy of it and not because they feel they’re required to obey. I wonder if they’re aware of how much they lose by being so legalistic. In that dynamic, the sub is giving away all their power, and the ‘dominant’ is doing no dominating at all. That’s power bequest, not power exchange.
My submission starts every relationship as a caterpillar. It doesn’t need any coaxing to turn into a butterfly. It only needs some love. Put the weight of duty onto me, though, and I will never fly—not for you, anyway. Butterflies fly as long as you don’t trample them, frogs jump, and subs submit. That’s just what we do, so if you find yourself having to coerce us into taking wing, there is something wrong.
To defile Anne Sexton’s poem, my submission “is a great weight hung on a small wire. […] Love and a cough cannot be concealed. Even a small cough, even a small love. So if you have only a small wire, [a submissive] will enter your hands as easily as ten cents used to bring forth a Coke“
Dominance is a gift. Legalism is a burden. Want a filthy sub who’ll do anything for you? Then give us the wide-open sky.