Are You a Dominant or an Energy Vampire?

If your need for attention and validation are infinite wells that swallow everything and never fill; If you prioritise your wants and needs above your sub’s in all scenarios, maybe you’re not a dominant at all. Maybe you’re an energy vampire.

Energy vampires are bad enough in vanilla relationships, but in D/s, the harm rises to a whole new level. If you want to exist selfishly, you cannot be a safe dominant. Subs, by definition, submit. Subs, by nature, give. Wannabe dominants steamroll all over that because dominance means getting everything you want, right?


No. Power exchange needs to come with giving on both sides of the slash. If you’re not providing a shred of generosity, safety, or compassion, you’re not a dominant. You’re just using the label to get what you want, which is commonly known as “exploitation.” There’s a line between where you end and your sub begins, and that is as it should be.

Having a relationship with such people is like living out The Giving Tree in Technicolor. The tree in the story is only too happy to hand over its resources. Eventually, though, its leaves and branches are gone and it has nothing left to give. As for the boy, he’s left too exhausted to stand. Not a soul has enough resources to give ceaselessly. Eventually, we will all dry up. It’s tempting to take every benefit you can from a sub. I imagine it’s much like getting set free in a chocolate factory. You want to enjoy the excess of it, but if that’s you, you’re behaving amorally.

That makes you an abuser, not a kinkster. Get yourself a healthy self-esteem and try returning when you’re ready to participate in a win/win relationship.

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