Where’s Fit and Bootilicious Barbie?

Two years ago, Mattel released curvy Barbie. They also released super-skinny tall Barbie and (surprise, surprise) super-skinny petite Barbie, because what we really needed were two dolls that were even more anorexic than the original </sarcasm>.

Do you know which body shape they left out? Sexy, fit, curvaceous Beyoncé-type Barbie. I don’t think that does all that much for the toy franchise’s SJW status, because much as anorexic Barbie shows young girls one of the downsides to starving themselves, it hasn’t given kids the wherewithal to actually look up to a woman of a decent weight.

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In case you’ve been hiding under a dildo and haven’t read the news, when little girls were left alone with Not-Really-BBW Barbie, they said things like, “Hello. I’m a fat person. Fat, fat, fat.”

“Curvy” Barbie has been mocked to high heaven… by six-year-olds.

As a recovering anorexic, I’ve spent the last seven years being too scared to launch a decent fitness routine lest I unwittingly enter the world of The Exercise Bulimic. You cannot understand that kind of fear unless you’ve been there, so just nod your head agreeably and let’s move on. This year, I threw that fear away and finally started working out, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for my eating disorder.

It’s not that I’ve grown a six pack in the space of 40 days, although I will definitely introduce you to my abs the second I find out they’re not the mythical things I think they are. It’s that I’m getting in touch with the reason I have a body: to function.

Working out is making me realise that my frame is not there to look pretty. It’s there to carry me through the Drakensberg mountains and to the end of Camps Bay beach. It’s there to fuel hours of kinky sex. In other words, it’s there to do stuff—cool stuff because life is fun and bodies are just meant to support that fun.

What a difference that is next to my old attitude: I starved to punish myself. Today, I’m taking care of myself. I might as well be kind to myself, right?

This has made me wonder why there’s no Fit and Bootilicious Barbie. Mattel has done nothing positive for womankind because all they’ve created is one hottie and three not-so-hotties. Fit and Bootilicious Barbie would give a healthy body weight some good press among those delightful (ahem) six-year-olds.

All the toy company has done is create more bad press for women who don’t have hip-waist ratios that come from someone’s alien sex fantasy.

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