Men’s Rights or Men’s Hate?

Before I began blogging, I thought men’s rights activists were people who advocated for men’s rights. Stupid mistake, I know, but I’ve learned better. Over the last three years, MRAs have spread their rage under every single post I’ve written about abuse. They’ve complained that I didn’t speak for both sexes because they were so excited about finding bias that they tripped right over the gender-neutral pronouns I used to speak for both sexes. If you need to read that sentence again, go ahead. I’ll wait.

They’ve ranted that I didn’t write about men’s experiences in posts about my own history and expressed outrage about the fact that I’ve spoken of my rapist in gendered pronouns. He could have been a “she”, ya know. Did I really check his gender properly?


To make it even more exasperating, when I have written on behalf of men alone, those same MRAs have spewed misogyny all over my threads, but not before blaming the male survivors I’ve described in those posts. In their rush to find injustice, they’ve demonstrated that they can’t see reality through the haze of their own hatred.

There’s one thing I’ve never seen MRAs do—advocate for men’s rights. They’re not bitter about the fact that they have enough injustice to fuel a cause. They’re bitter that women are not working towards that cause. See, we have a duty to speak for both men and women because MRAs are way too busy to speak out about their causes. Women have that kind of time. We don’t have real jobs, after all. We just stay at home all day straightening the towels.

I think the reason MRAs rarely advocate for their gender is that their cause is not child custody or domestic abuse. It’s hating women. If this is all sounding a bit too meta for you, go grab a beer because this post isn’t going to get any less postmodern.

MRAs often ask me why nobody opens men’s shelters. I think I can answer that question. These are the first NGOs for women’s issues I found through Google, along with their founders:

V-Day: Founder, Eve Ensler

Polaris Project: Katherine Chon and Derek Ellerman

Breast Cancer Research Foundation: Evelyn Lauder

National Partnership for Women and Families: Judith L. Lichtman

RAINN: Tori Amos

Odd how they’re almost all women, right? So how does that play out in NGOs focused on men’s issues?

The Family Place: Paige Flink

Wounded Warrior Project: Michael Linnington

YMCA: George Williams

The Prostate Cancer Foundation: Michael Milken

RAINN: Tori Amos


Odd how they’re almost all men, right?

People start non-profits based on their own life experiences, and they do it for the same reason I write better about women’s issues than men’s. I understand my life better than I do yours. I will never have the personal experience to write well, about men’s issues, just as I wouldn’t be much use if I started an NGO to support prostate cancer patients.

If there isn’t an NGO supporting your cause, it’s because you and people like you haven’t launched any. Women are not to blame for your inaction. We’re not to blame for the fact that men aren’t writing about their experience of rape, abuse, and the like. That’s on you.

I will continue to write for men, and I will keep on using my gender-neutral pronouns, but if you want to enlist my support of your causes, accusing me of misandry doesn’t engender generosity.

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