In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out.
I went after the ball instead of waiting for it to come to me. It just sat there like a ball, and did not throw itself.
(Experiment One: Fail)
Don’t assume she doesn’t like being touched, just keep touching until she pulls away or says something.
I sniffed a Husky-lady’s butt. She sniffed mine back. We walked in an infinite circle for 10 minutes, then our leashes got tangled. I’m not sure if this was the goal of this experiment because I can’t decide who was sexier, the Husky or my human.
Men are not dogs. We merely think we are, and, on occasion, act as if we are.
I’m a man dog. This excerpt is too existentialist for me.
(Experiment Three: Fail)
Try to resist a woman’s charm by pretending to be disinterested. This will cause her to lower her self-esteem.
I ignored the hawt lab who was tied to the supermarket door. She did not sniff my butt. She just kept on trying to lick peanut butter out of a rubber ball.
(Experiment Four: Fail. I did not get any peanut butter.)
Instead of seeking her approval, give her yours. Then take it away. Then give it to her again. This is called flirting.
I gave her the ball. I took the ball away. I gave her the ball again. She slobbered on it.
(Fail. Slobbery balls are not cool.)
Love is a velvet prison.
Does it have bacon inside?
Rather than just being yourself, focus on discovering and permanently bringing to the surface your best self.
Went out dressed in a pink collar and pretended to be a poodle. The bitches at the park stole my Captain Fantastick Super Stick Toy.
We make fun of those we’re most scared of becoming.
Foh Shoh. I’m definitely scared of becoming a poodle.
If a woman has been married three years or more, you come to learn that she’s usually easier to sleep with than a single woman.
My couch cushion is married to my kennel cushion, and both are equally easy to shag. I’m not sure if either of them is a woman.
The success of a relationship should be measured by its depth, not by its length.
I do not know any sausage dogs. I thus lack a comparator to form an unbiased opinion about length with.
There is no such thing as cheap sex. It always comes with a price.
I shagged the fence post this morning. It did not ask me to buy it a can of Cesar Gourmet.