You’re Worth More than Halfway

Being cast aside after sex makes me feel overexposed, as though I’ve given a man a bag full of secrets I’ll never be able to hide from him again. If I could spot the runners up front, my sex life wouldn’t need all this room I’ve set aside for regret.

Everywhere I look, people are happily picking up play partners from every corner as though Christmas finally learned how to be slutty. Occasionally, I’m one of them, and I’m happy to be if my play partner doesn’t put 60 miles between us before breakfast. I don’t expect lifetime commitment–just ongoing connection, platonic or no.

Ufntitled

I love how sex-positive this community is about casual play. I’m less infatuated with people who hide their desire for a passing hook-up to manipulate me into a dynamic I want to avoid. The Common Dudebro of the Wank Fodder Genus does it by faking interest to convince you to hand over personalised smut, and pick up artists aren’t all that different. Their push-pull-abandon cycle leaves me feeling as if my old bag of secrets has been scattered all over the floor.

And that leaves me feeling as though I’ve been scattered all over the floor.

These days, I’m better at spotting runners before I remove my underwear. I’ve not been chewed up and spat out for years because it turns out that a lack of interest is pretty easy to spot. If I’m confused about your motives, it’s usually a sign that you’re not interested in anything except my vagina.

But I don’t always trust my intuition.

Yesterday, I was telling a friend that I’d be meeting a new man in a suburb halfway between his home and mine. He said, “You’re worth so much more than halfway.”

I’m demisexual, so throw-away sex is my halfway. If you’re into throw-away sex, my approach is your halfway. The moment we forget we’re worth all the way is the moment we trip over dynamics that doesn’t work for us.

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6 thoughts on “You’re Worth More than Halfway

  1. Kalliope

    I get so confused by all these labels for sexuality… I have no idea where I fit on the scales. This album title from years ago comes to mind “metasexual” but I dunno what that even means. Why not just sexual? I don’t know. I don’t understand all the lingo and jargon

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      1. Kalliope

        I like labels because to me they’re fun, and they fit into my shtick of compartmentalising everything in my life lol. But I certainly don’t live my life by them. How about we just start identifying as “sexual”? That just makes sense to me. I get too confused trying to break it much further than that. I’m neither gay nor bi nor completely straight. Straight it just the easiest. I dunno.
        5 cheers for the sexuals! Hip hip hooray!

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  2. TheQueenBri

    We have so many labels for our relations to other people I’m often unsure how to answer people when they ask what my sexuality is. I love people and their pasts and their ambitions, not so focused on the biological gender side of things but here we are in a world where everything from exits to lifestyles require a title.
    Great post! So happy I found your site because I’m infatuated with your writing style. I’d love to chat sometime if possible! My email is brizurc@gmail.com
    xxo Bri

    Liked by 1 person

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