The kraken is hiding under his keyboard.
His sub erased all the letters on the keys with a permanent marker, and now all he can type is QWERTY.
He wants to prove he’s more than a profile.
H̶e̶’̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶u̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶F̶e̶t̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶i̶t̶e̶.̶
There’s a serial killer waiting for him behind his computer.
Both his thumbs are currently plugging up a dyke.
Not that kind of dyke you asshole. That’s so fucking offensive.
H̶e̶’̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶u̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶F̶e̶t̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶r̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶t̶s̶.̶ ̶
Random hook-ups don’t deserve that much attention.
Every time he types a word, a magic wand dies. His empty profile is a service to all womankind.
His last failed relationship started with an exclamation mark and too many adjectives, so now he suffers from post adjectivitis disorder.
H̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶f̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶e̶t̶ ̶u̶p̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶g̶i̶n̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶-̶o̶n̶-̶o̶n̶e̶.̶
He’s just here to find wank fodder.
His keyboard turned into a narwhal. What? No, he’s not on an acid trip. Fuck you.