Fetlife is a Kink Site Therefore, All the Wimmenz are Kink Dispensers

Every time I rant about being treated like a kinky Pez dispenser by Fetlife strangers, I’m told this is a kink website (generally in ALL CAPS with exclamation points, great vengeance, and furious anger). Fetlife’s women must cede their right to respect because there are men on the prowl, and what if we have just the right blend of pussy wetness and C-cups? How would dudebros ever find out unless they wrote us “wanna fuck” messages? We accepted our duty to tolerate sweaty boys’ wet dreams the day we joined the site.

We are Fetlife meat, tasked with the unenviable responsibility of listening to stranger’s fantasies in adjective-laden typos. The hunt for kinky cybersex is a sacred one, therefore our discomfort at being made a part of it is irrational. If we didn’t want to be objectified by random people, we shouldn’t have come here in the first place.


Of course, the rationale forgets that I, too, have fetishes, and being a cyber cum dump whore is not one of them.

It also forgets that hunting for wank fodder is not kinky, not even if the dudebro in person wants pictures of my feet. It ignores the fact that this is not a porn, cam, or dating site. It’s a social network for kinky people, and that means it exists primarily for platonic engagement.

That’s not to say we can’t use it as a dating or smut site, only that we’re expected not to throw our morning hard-ons in other people’s faces because Pornhub is a more appropriate place for wank material. As men in bars the world over have learned, starting a conversation about the godawful tequila is far more effective than sticking your tongue in strangers’ ears.

Most men get this, but the “THIS IS A FETISH WEBSITE!!!” minority is generally male. In other words they’ve probably never been told some random dude’s sticky fantasy about being butt fucked six ways from Sunday by a bearded guy just like them. If they had, they would be ranting about being treated like kinky Pez dispensers, innit?

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