A dom once hurt me so badly it felt as though my organs were being flayed. My legs crumpled and, for a while, I couldn’t breathe. His response? “That’s one way to kill the mood.”
The harm was my fault. The limit I put up as a result was inconvenient, and so he manipulated it away. He nagged it away. He ordered it away.
He wouldn’t stop pushing until I gave in. He dictated which limits I was allowed and made me pay for those I insisted on keeping. His inexperience was a dangerous sport, and the harm was mine to bear alone.
When we first met, he and I sat down to talk about the conditions of our dynamic. He told me what was expected of me, never once asking what I expected of him. He was good at hubris, and at the time, I thought it was sexy because it felt like power.
In time, I learned that his dominance was a crust of a thing, and he shed it one selfish act at a time. It dissolved with every doctor’s visit, every manipulation, every abandonment.
My first dominant was not a dictator, but he got more out of me than Domineering Dom ever could. He had some wild kinks I refused to ever entertain, but he never treated my “noes” as a discussion. He set his rejected fantasies down on a table in a dark room I never visited. The more they sat there, the more interesting they became. Before long, his fantasies had crawled into my brain and become mine.
Such is the magic of a dominant dom: he has a bag full of tricks for getting his way: tricks like respect, like trust, like acceptance. He doesn’t need to demand because he understands what you’re made of. He knows you’ll creep under his thumb if he loves you well enough, so his dominance feels light as a cloud.
A domineering dom only browbeats and intimidates. His dominance makes you feel as though you’ve been twisted into an impossible shape and pushed through the eye of a needle. You feel you’re losing yourself because you are. Domineering dom doesn’t want you. He wants obedience, so of course you disappear. Before you realise what’s happening, you’ve lost all the resources you need to stand up for yourself. And domineering dom is especially compelling if you’re a masochist because you become the fish that takes bait even though it feels the hook.
A dominant dom wants nothing but you. He sees you. He works at getting to know you so he can draw out your best assets and show you how beautiful they are. Who wouldn’t give a dom like that everything? And so you give. You give until you realise you’ve flown through the eye of a needle. You’ve achieved impossible things because you are loved.