There are two kinds of Go players: those who play by the books, and those who turn the game into a dance. H played so beautifully I wanted to watch him for hours. Every night, we played. Every night, I lost, but that was okay because I got to see him play. And so we played, and every night my head split open, and light flooded in.
There are thousands of dominants in this community who have mastered rope or floggers or fire. You can acquire that kind of skill from classes and years of practice. All you need is commitment and a teacher. There are fewer men who turn BDSM into a dance; who play so beautifully you could watch them for hours. Anyone can learn to use rope, but an imagination can’t be won that easily. You’re born with it or you aren’t, so I’ll take that man–the one who can’t even tie a reef knot, but who can come up with a thousand filthy ways to restrain me.
A nasty, imaginative mind is my favourite toy, and the man who can wield it melts me into a puddle of “yes.”
H could restrain me with words, so he didn’t need rope. If he’d learned to tie, though, he would have turned it into the kind of sin nobody else could possibly dream up. He was the perfect villain, not because he read the books, but because he had the imagination to write them.
A Go board has 324 squares, but they say no game has ever been alike. It’s such a simple game at the face of it, but every square comes with infinite possibilities. Every time H and I played, he destroyed me in a new, infuriating way, and every time we had sex, he did the same. He had infinity to show me, and dammit, he was going to take me into every forever.
There’s no easy way to completely annihilate your Go opponent’s freedom. If you can’t identify the one weakness they haven’t seen, you’ve no hope of a convincing fight. To win is to be unconventional. Once you find their imbalance, you must approach without seeming to approach. H was like that. He cut through my fragility as though it was a single unprotected stone on a board. He knew how to torture me because he knew where I was weakest and how to break me in unconventional ways.
The world was his playground, and his mind was the best of its toys. Show me a dominant like that and I’ll show you submission that’s utterly, utterly powerless.