People You’ll Meet at a Play Party

  • I’m so ropey I can do the Handstand Scorpion Pose while flying a foot from the floor so that my rope top can easily suspend me from my left toe. My abs are basically quarried from Mars rocks.
  • I brought canapes that are held together by teeny handcuff-toothpicks, which I fashioned out of watermelon and this gelatin I made out of vegan agar powder, sourced from the bed of the Amazon River. What did youbring? Chips?
  • If you call me “Lord 69” I’ll let you fondle this butt plug.
  • The more naked you are, the more kink cred you have.
  • We sit in the smoker’s corner wearing Doc Martins and talking about which weapons we’d take to a zombie apocalypse.


  • Is my carotid artery severed in two? Oops. Sorry. I’m too masochistic to notice such things.
  • You’ll probably never find out why I’m kneeling under this table with half a carrot sticking out of my mouth.
  • I’m cisgender, but I accept LGB… um… DQIUERAK… What I’m trying to say is some of my best friends are trans.

  • My fetishes are blowjobs, vaginal penetration, and kissing.
  • We make floggers out of spiderwebs and crunched-up razor blades.
  • I mainly just stand in this corner looking for ways to work Latin words into my monologues. Did you notice I carry a mini-thesaurus in my man bag?
  • I’m new. Oh my god is that my shrink over there holding the whip??!!??!! BLOODY HELL next my gran will show up in chaps I think I’ll go home now bye!!!
  • We are greeters. We greet people. Hello. Hello. Hello.
  • Kink is more of a social thing for me. Like, I wouldn’t really spank someone, but I agree with the approach on a philosophical level.
  • We brought this 50 kg box of toys from our fully equipped dungeon house. Kindly form a neat queue on the left.
  • Being murdered is totally SSC.
  • I know 57 types of consent and brought these forms.
  • I talk about Nutella a lot and am definitely wearing this cupcake in my eyebrow on purpose.

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